people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
