i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
