How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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