sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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