someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
