i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
