i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
