just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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