its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
