im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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