No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
