I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
