i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
