Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
