He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
