how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
