Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
