if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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