Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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