If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
