You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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