It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
