So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
