david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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