Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
