idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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