Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
