I just pynch a tree in the face
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize