the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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