I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
