i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
