Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
