Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
In America we eat man semen.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The Olympian is in my bed
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
