At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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