Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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