I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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