I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
