walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
