i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
