he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize