My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
