Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
