some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
