Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
