yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
