First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
