I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
