Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
