Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
