careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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