His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
