Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
