Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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