I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
