my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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