I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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