i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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