and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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