Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
