I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The air was thick with penises
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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