dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
