I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
