On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
