then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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