If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
