I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
