My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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