So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
