READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
