Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
