New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
