I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
