The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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