Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
