you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
