i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
