Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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