I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
